If you’d asked me a year ago how I felt about my book being published I would have stood still while on the inside feeling like one of those washing machines that spin so wildly they look like they’re about to launch into outer space. Now, if you ask me – the book comes out in 2 weeks – I’m in gentle spin. I don’t have a standard response, I feel myself trying so hard to be authentic I can’t land on anything that feels real.
The truth is that you write a book, especially memoir, because you HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY. You write while your kid naps, and much later at night than the next day is going to forgive you for. You write drafts in your head while shopping for groceries, and voice record them in the car on the way home, and yell to your partner when you get home “just a sec!! I need a minute!” as you scramble madly to type it into the computer as you hide out in the bathroom, late again. In other words, it’s a commitment.
The process of writing, editing and polishing your story changes you. It changes you. It makes you rest into the words you’ve written, and think “yes, that’s true”, and slowly you realize you’ve mostly written what your own soul needs to graduate from the university of the past. It is a gift, it is humbling.
And then how do you put this journey that reaches from your soul to your writing into words that people can relate to? The most common query I get these days is “you must be so excited, your book is coming out soon!” And I am! But also… I am terrified. I feel vulnerable. What if it’s not enough? What if I’m not enough? What if I offend people? What if people stop liking me? Worse, what if I get attacked? To be clear, these are not even rational thoughts… rationally, I’m good. I got a strong resilient spirit. But this underbelly that needs my tending asks me to go slow, to set the machine to the longest cycle so the clothes have time to get super bright.
I am ready. I am also not ready. I am ready. I am also not ready. How do you ready for something you know will change your life but you’ve never experienced before? You don’t. You just hang on, and know the cycle will end at some point, and trust you’ll be better for it.Share this: